Game 70 Recap: Cubs 2, Dodgers 5

After further review... still lost.

W- Who knows? Eh, Howell I guess (3-1), who cares, let's go home.

L- The very concept of the "Win" also, Hendricks (2-4).

S - Jansen (10)

Things to Take from This Game

1. Starters Struggle

Hendricks was off his game, with the big damage coming on a Justin Turner 3-run Home Run. Bolsinger looked tougher, getting several Cubs to swing over a diving "spike" curveball, but he couldn't make it through five. With Bolsinger getting Rizzo to GIDP in the fifth and picking up some help from Howell to get out of the inning, the Dodgers shut down the only good shot at a big inning.
.

2. Denorfia gets TOOTBLANed

With two outs in the ninth and down by three, Denorfia got Thrown Out On the Bases Like a Nincompoop, running into the final out of the game trying to get to second on a liner off the left field wall. Van Slyke got a perfect bounce off the wall to him, played it perfectly, threw perfectly, and still just barely beat Denorfia. And it's not as if we likely were to come back against Jansen down by three with two outs in the ninth and a runner on second. But still, oof.

3. Grimm Looked Good

Justin Grimm struck out the first four batters he faced, in dominating fashion, before losing some steam in his second inning. It still was an encouraging performance.

The I-could-have-been-paying-more-attention-to-the-season-premier-of-Big-Brother-17,-but-instead-I-recapped-this?!?! details, below

Game Recap

Inning 1 - Top

Hendricks begins the game with a strike to Hernandez, pitching at a swift pace. Hernandez hits a bullet back up the middle which Hendricks snags on his glove-hand side near the thigh.
Davey Lopes is 70. And looks every bit of it.
Pederson is frozen looking at a called strike three near the top of the zone.
Turner lazily flies to Denorfia in right. If the first few innings of the recap are a bit thin, it's because this is also the opening episode of season 17 of the greatest American television show ever, Big Brother.

Inning 1 - Bottom

Denorfia leading off. Puig is a late scratch for the Dodgers, so both of the lineups are a bit wonky. Goes down flailing at a curveball.
Bolsinger... he is Jered Weaveresque in velocity... Rizzo flails at a curve in the dirt for strike three.
Bryant swings at the first pitch and hits a pop fly down the right field line, which Gonzalez catches. Easy inning.

Inning 2 - Top

Rule of Winning Big Brother # 5,787: forming an all-girl alliance on day one never works. Oh wait, wrong recap...
Gonzalez take a tailing-away sinker and lines it out to left field, opposite-field home run. 1-0 Dodgers
Guerrero grounds out to Castro who makes a strong throw to first, getting him easily. Nice play.
Ethier hits one right to Russell for the second out.
Grandal grounds down the 1st base line, Rizzo unassisted.
Huh, so they're bringing back the "Battle of the Block" gimmick again this year in Big Brother. It worked pretty well last time, though hopefully it's paired with some other new twist to give added nuance and intrigue to the alliance-building.

Inning 2 - Bottom

Montero K's swinging at that same "spike" curve in the dirt that got Rizzo.
Castro bounces one up the middle, which gets knocked down by the diving second baseman, but no play, base hit.
Whose idea was it to get a field reported for the Head of Household contest in Big Brother? Ugh, horrid. This better be a one-off, we don't need a field reporter for competitions. Just awful.
Coghlan slices one to left-center where Pederson, of course, catches it with ease.
Szczur bounces one out to second, easy play to end the inning. The Big Brother houseguests are very unimpressive so far in their first Head of Household comp, a combination of balancing on a board, catching balls shot at them, and being hit by tomatoes. This should be a drill for 2016 spring training.

Inning 3 - Top

Rollins grounds out to Castro, who is playing sort of a 3B/SS as the odd man out on the shift.
Bolsinger lines a hanging changeup directly over Szczur's head in center, one-hopping the ivy. Not so well played by Szczur, but the error is on Hendricks hanging a change to the pitcher.
Hernandez can't quite check his swing on a slider low and away, strike three.
Woah, a stunning four-person photo-finish to determine who was the last houseguest to hit the ground in the Head of Household competition. Jace, the "asian country boy" wins the first Head of Household in a thriller.
Pederson walks, runners on 1st and 2nd.
Turner takes another hanging change out over the plate, and lofts it out to just left of center, a few rows up. Three-run homer, and it's 4-0 Dodgers
Likewise, Big Brother takes a turn for the worse as we learn there will be not just one major season-long twist, but smaller weekly twists. Just like baseball should be played without a DH, Big Brother should be played without so many %%%%%% twists. FML.
Gonzalez rolls out to Russell.

Inning 3 - Bottom

Hendricks K's looking, as the first episode of Big Brother ends. Down to two things to recap.
Russell shoots one into right for a single.
Len nots Bolsinger is walking around the back of the mound, and wonders if there is some tightness in the back or shoulder.
Denorfia with a slow roller to short, and, evidently, the throw beats Russell to second base. I have grave doubts about this, but evidently it's just me.
Rizzo tries to push one up the third base line, completely unoccupied due to the shift. he sort of bunt-stab-pops it down the line and it lands just an inch or so foul, past the bag. nice try.
For the second time, Rizzo K's by swinging over a slider.

Inning 4 - Top

Guerrero bounces back to Hendricks
Ethier rolls one up the middle where Russell makes an impressive jump-throw effort, rather Jeter-esque, if you'll forgive that insult. Nearly gets Ethier but not quite.
A weird little play as Grandal grounds to Rizzo, playing quite a bit off the bag. Ethier is running to second at a pace that brings him parallel to Rizzo, who tags him and then tosses to Hendricks covering the bag for the bizarre 3-1 GIDP.

Inning 4 - Bottom

Bryant is the latest to miss the slider, strike three.
Montero dumps one into the shallow right-center gap but is easily held to a single.
Castro with another selling-out wild swing pulls one into the hole, and falls to his knee. Rollins stops it on a slide and, supposedly, gets the force at second, though I'm not convinced. I guess I'm the only one not convinced. They almost get Castro at first, but it's ultimatley just a 6-4 force.
Coghlan walks on four pitches.
Szczur bounces to Turner who steps on third for the force.

Inning 5 - Top

Coghlan makes a nice catch on a sinking liner hit directly in front of him by Rollins.
To everyone's surprise, Mattingly challenges Coghlan's catch. Coghlan caught it waist high, but Mattingly thinks the ball was a bit loose as Coghlan hit the ground. It wasn't. Shortest replay review in human history. Way to waste one, Mattingly.
Somewhere in there, Bolsinger K's swinging.
Hernandez hits a big chopper to Castro's left for an easy third out.

Inning 5 - Bottom

Baxter hits for Hendricks and jams one out to shallow center for a hit.
Russell pulls one down the left field line into the corner, and Baxter scores without a play. double for Russell. A fastball that leaked back over the outside half of the plate. 4-1 Dodgers
Denorfia follows up with a single into right on the next pitch, Russell advances to third. first and third, no outs, first real trouble Bolsinger has faced.
1-2 count, Rizzo grounds into the shift for a double play, Guerrero to Rollins to Gonzalez. Run scores, 4-2 Dodgers
3-0 hanging curve to Bryant for a strike. Eventually walks. Bolsinger exits an out from qualifying for a W. I realize that this has been a really slow-paced game.
J.P. Howell in to face Montero. Len and J.D. note there's an extreme shift on against Montero. K's swinging at a pitch in the dirt.
Pro wrestling finishing moves not to use during prostate exams.
The five knuckle shuffle
The camel clutch.

Inning 6 - Top

James Russell in to pitch. We are told he has now pitched in as many games as Kerry Wood, which just seems wrong.
I should be nicer to James Russell. He fields a squibber up the first base line hit by Pederson, bare-handed, and makes a lunging diving flip to Rizzo for the out.
At some point, maybe we'll see a pitcher tonight who can break 90 on the radar gun. Turner goes down swinging at a well-placed changeup low and away.
Gonzalez K's looking at a slider that looked off the corner to me. No complaints.

Inning 6 - Bottom

Castro pops to Rollins
Coghlan taps back to Howell.
Szczur bunts one up the third base line. Howell grabs it, spins and fires wildly. Gonzalez does a nice job to make a leaping grab of the throw, holding Szczur to a single.
Fowler pinch hits. Bounces one to Gonzalez at first. Howell face-plants, so Gonzalez takes it to the bag himself.

Inning 7 - Top

Grimm in. Gets Guerrero swinging at a tough breaker down and away. Nice pitch.
And another nasty 83mph SOMEthing gets Ethier swinging. Grimm looks dominant.
Grandal also is no match, side is struck out. Impressive work. Pat Hughes for the Stretch. We've heard better performances out of Pat.

Inning 7 - Bottom

Peralta in to pitch.
Russell flies out to right.
Denorfia rolls out to Rollins
Peralta out, Liberatore in to face Rizzo. Walks Rizzo on four straight and leaves. Nicasio to face Bryant. Goes up 0-2 on Bryant.
Bryant takes an 0-2 fastball up the middle for a single. 1st and 2nd for Montero
Montero hits a high fly out toward the well in left, but no real threat of going out. Inning over.

Inning 8 - Top

Grimm uses that same impressive whatever-it-is breaking pitch to get Rollins swinging. 4 Ks in a row.
Van Slyke pitch hits and smokes a double into the left field corner.
Hernandez pops to Rizzo just foul of first base.
Jackson in. Pederson lines one sharply into right. Denorfia's throw is quite a bit offline, and it's 5-2 Dodgers
Turner shatters his bat on a slow roller to Russell

Inning 8 - Bottom

Castro rolls one to Rollins, because Castro. Throw almost takes Gonzalez off the bag. Almost.
Coghlan walks.
Szczur grounds into a 5-4-3, so much for that inning. Replay shows Hernandez wasn't on the bag, but "Neighborhood play" rules were in effect, so not subject to review, according to Len. Rules are weird.

Inning 9 - Top

Medina in for the Cubs. Gonzalez bounces to Rizzo unassisted.
Callaspo lines one sharply into center.
Ethier flies lazily to center.
Grandal takes something bendy high in the strike zone for strike three.

Inning 9 - Bottom

Herrera pinch hits against Jansen. This will save us...
Herrera bounces one off the plate that Jansen fields, with his momentum taking him into the runner's line. Manages to throw around Herrera for the out.
Russell flails at a slider for strike three.
Denorfia lines one against the left field wall over in the well. He doesn't get out of the box very easily, and still tries to take second in spite of how quickly the ball got to the wall, hitting off the door and not the vines, carroming to Van Slyke. Called out, game over, but we go to replay as Denorfia's hand may have gotten in ahead of the tag. A needless risk, whatever the result, and the umpires uphold the call, ending the game with a whimper.

Parachat Recap

Inning 1

My obsession with Big Brother
Facts about Trans that make us sad.
The duck ~quack~ in parachat
Mike Baxter, two-legged Rally Rabbit.
Mike Baxter and other things that make the Baby Jesus cry.
Mike Baxter doesn't have a partner because....
We're all in love with Johann's new girlfriend, but can she do an ollie and has he fed her cereal?
What the W in the Cubs flag stands for.
Things to catch a ball in or with.
Using Jon Lester as an on-deck decoy. Quack.
More likely to get a hit: Lester or Wada
Ballswinger.
Rizzo's new walkup music?

Inning 2

Things that are predictable, expected, and still sad: the Mets tailspin and bizmarquis' porn career
Chicago, a Cubs town. White Sox "allegedly playing baseball"
Where does Sammyninja land this year?
Things that can be done with a baby in your arms
Moises Alou holding babies, and subsequent effects on potty training.
Crunch meets Anti-crunch.
Reenforcements coming for the Cubs.

Inning 3

Heh. It could happen.
Where in the World is Rafael Soriano?
What's Len's obsession with the color of the Dodgers uniform numbers on the frontside of the jersey?
Doom and gloom.
Schwarber will save us.
Getting behind that.
Trans learns a new vocabulary word from Johann. Oh my.
Doing an ollie into pegging. I don't understand what I'm recapping, but eh, I recap it anyway.
Pegging. Because pirates like booty. Wow, Johann.
Trades that won't happen.
Carlos Gomez = Hipster = Hipster Hate = Can't play baseball in skinny jeans. I don't understand the connections either.

Inning 4

Why is Kyle Hendricks always sad?
The back end of the Cubs rotation: better poker faces than pitchers
Hole Camels
Poker, Liquor, and Pigeons. I'm lost.
Parachat devolves.
No one expects the Craposition!
Defriending the depressed vs. defending the depressed.
Things that are and aren't dick moves.
Jimmy Rollins has been around for forever.
Game needs more ~punch 2~, fewer updates from Patrick Mooney.
The ethics of diving into the stands.
There is complaining on Facebook.

Inning 5

Sitting in the front row, pros and cons
John Beasley, not allowed to sit close to the field by his wife.
Bizmarquis, not interested in how you are doing.
Crunch, admirer of John Beasley's wife.
Patrick Mooney looks like....
Will Audrey Marry Him?
Don't propose by scoreboard. Just don't.
Why Audrey isn't ready to say yes.
Mornington Crescent's persistence pays off.
Len's prostate exam
While singing the Stretch.
Hitting the high notes.
Theories of what J.P. stands for. Crunch wins before we really get started.

Inning 6

Working titles for our James and Addison Russell 1980s sitcom
Casting: Bosio as the cranky landlord who wants to evict them, Hinske as the whacky neighbor.
Andy reappears after five years away, promptly gets grilled on his publishing record by CT Steve. It's a rigorous new leader we have, here at TCR.
First CT Steve takes Manhattan...
TCR is the new black.
What the tenure boards things of CT Steve's and my writing at TCR.
Skills needed for going into administration
CT Steve practices lying to us.

Inning 7

Infidelity to parachat during the lean years.
Getting Andy back up to speed. Ip is Not Ip. Para-censorship. Lack of Rally Caps
What happened to Rob?
Who's in charge of this place anyway?
Pegging. Again.
Cub-related bribe offers in exchange for grade-changes.
That's not how it works.
We explain pegging to Mister Whipple.
New and old Parachat memes
The etymology of Cubbery.
Lags and spoilers and chattiequette
Is Ronnie Woo Woo still alive? (yes.)
AAA wooers.
Montero's popout is worse that.... (winner, bizmarquis with "if 9/11 and Guy Fieri had a baby")

Inning 8

Guy Fieri. Nothing but Guy Fieri
And cancer.
Easy cancer vs. Guy Fieri
Easy cancer?
Hard cancer.
If Chemo caused Guy Fieri to lose his hair...
Pooping in a bag
How do you tell a pro-confederate protest at Walmart from any other day at Walmart?
Prostates springing leaks.
8675309
Are rallitalics futile in situations like these? Half-hearted rallitalics.

Inning 9

Parachat sound effects for pegging
Jean cuffs
Innocent things that are no longer safe to google for
Almost reading a cosmo article
Jiminy Cricket roughing people up
A parachat of many colors
The Denorfia replay
Annoyance.

Cubs' record in games recapped in 2015: 1-1

Cubs MLB Roster

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